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Thread: jokes.

  1. #1
    EXTREME MODERATOR
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    jokes.

    only post jokes appropriate for me to tell at school. any other jokes will be deleted. sexist/racist/homophobic jokes will result in a one week ban - and bear in mind that i have a VERY broad definition of sexism/racism/homophobia.

    sigh.

    i'll start:

    what did the 0 say to the 8?
    nice belt

    what did the 8 say to the other 8?
    hey, i got a belt like that!

    what did the 8 say to the 3?
    what the hell happened to you?

  2. #2
    NJS Certified thomasface's Avatar
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    How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    It's a really obscure number, you've probably never heard of it.

  3. #3
    Math Rock Moderator JLN not ZLTN's Avatar
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    Q: How many indie nerds does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    A: I have that joke on vinyl.
    Quote Originally Posted by Balki View Post
    Your tyres so fat they got a puncture and gravy came out
    Quote Originally Posted by heavymetal View Post
    If you haven't got anything hateful to say, stay outta the hate thread.
    Quote Originally Posted by chazhutton View Post
    I wish there were more dog patting opportunities on the way to work.
    Velodrone | @velodrone | TRACK SABBATH | Animal Traps

  4. #4
    Math Rock Moderator JLN not ZLTN's Avatar
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    Q: What's a zombie's favourite bicycle tubing?

    A: Columbus Braaaaaainnn.
    Quote Originally Posted by Balki View Post
    Your tyres so fat they got a puncture and gravy came out
    Quote Originally Posted by heavymetal View Post
    If you haven't got anything hateful to say, stay outta the hate thread.
    Quote Originally Posted by chazhutton View Post
    I wish there were more dog patting opportunities on the way to work.
    Velodrone | @velodrone | TRACK SABBATH | Animal Traps

  5. #5
    Math Rock Moderator JLN not ZLTN's Avatar
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    A man went to a zoo. There was only a dog there. It was a Shitzu.
    Quote Originally Posted by Balki View Post
    Your tyres so fat they got a puncture and gravy came out
    Quote Originally Posted by heavymetal View Post
    If you haven't got anything hateful to say, stay outta the hate thread.
    Quote Originally Posted by chazhutton View Post
    I wish there were more dog patting opportunities on the way to work.
    Velodrone | @velodrone | TRACK SABBATH | Animal Traps

  6. #6
    NJS Certified hellocoulson's Avatar
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    Q: How many Super Saiyans does it take to change a lightbulb?

    A: Just one, but it'll take 10 episodes to do it.

  7. #7
    The Dance Commander mr_dylan's Avatar
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    So there's like 2 engineer students right?
    One of them's sitting around waiting to get to his lecture, and he sees his mate rock up on this nice vintage stepthrough.
    He says to him 'hey mate, nice bike, where'd you get that?'
    and the guy says 'well, I was walking to class the other day, and that girl Jenny rides up to me, jumps off the bike and throws off all her clothes and says 'You can have anything you like'.
    The first guy says 'good choice, her clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway!'
    Daily: 1990 Mazda MX5.
    Weekender: Pink custom Columbus Life Kumo tarck WEAPON.

    Quote Originally Posted by chazhutton View Post
    When I want to pick up, I just pretend to be like Dylan.
    I'm guessing that's probably easier for you to do though.

    It's Dylan Time! <--- sometimes NSFW. Seriously. It's getting nicer, but there's still loads of nudity.

  8. #8
    The Dance Commander mr_dylan's Avatar
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    Dylan: look at that bunch of cows.
    Brendan: not a bunch, a herd.
    Dylan: Heard what?
    Brendan: Of cows
    Dylan: Sure, I've heard of cows.
    Brendan: No, I mean a cowherd.
    Dylan: So what? I have no secrets from cows!
    Daily: 1990 Mazda MX5.
    Weekender: Pink custom Columbus Life Kumo tarck WEAPON.

    Quote Originally Posted by chazhutton View Post
    When I want to pick up, I just pretend to be like Dylan.
    I'm guessing that's probably easier for you to do though.

    It's Dylan Time! <--- sometimes NSFW. Seriously. It's getting nicer, but there's still loads of nudity.

  9. #9
    The Dance Commander mr_dylan's Avatar
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    Oh i forgot this one until I suddenly just remembered it.

    A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet cos it's been eating loads of grass and spewing a bit.
    The vet looks at the dog, and picks it up.
    He holds on to the dog for about a minute, then says to the man "I better put him down"
    And the mans like "is it cos he's spewing up and shit?'
    And the vet says "no, because he's heavy!"
    Daily: 1990 Mazda MX5.
    Weekender: Pink custom Columbus Life Kumo tarck WEAPON.

    Quote Originally Posted by chazhutton View Post
    When I want to pick up, I just pretend to be like Dylan.
    I'm guessing that's probably easier for you to do though.

    It's Dylan Time! <--- sometimes NSFW. Seriously. It's getting nicer, but there's still loads of nudity.

  10. #10
    Out of fucking control P!N20's Avatar
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    A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

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